Old time books call jacking off self-abuse. Well, we know that's garbage. But seriously, what's the craziest thing you've ever done or had done to your dick?

I've
had a girlfriend want to bite it, and she did once.
jacked off with ice cubes.
tied up my cock with strings and used lots of rubber bands and a cock ring while jacking off
bent it backwards and sat on it to get off trying to reach my anus - succeeded
rubbed icy hot on it once. Felt good for 30 seconds. Then too much. Never do that again.
had my wife squat down naked and pee on my hard cock and then jack me off using pee as lube. Love to do that again.

Masturbated in my own shit. Serious...

A toss up I guess - stuck it through a GH more than once and put it in the nozzle of the running shop vac, poor marks on that one

Jacked off before taking a shower using Mary Kay Creamy Cleanser #3. It's an exfoliating scrub, so it was creamy but with scrubbing beads (think a woman's version of GOJO hand cleaner- less soapy, more like lotion and nice smelling.)

I came super hard, but the surface of my cock kind of hurt afterwards. No dead skin on it, though! I didn't do that again.

I have a set of handcuffs that I like to lock one cuff around my cock and balls on its smallest setting. Sort of like a cock ring but for the cock and balls and not as tight. It sure makes it puff up big and purple, though. I've come while that is wrapped around me as well, and that is also a super strong orgasm.

I should probably take a picture of that around me...

Hollowed out a cucumber and fucked it.

When I bought my first cockring, it was a thick rubber ring that was clearly too small for me. I was driving to VT from CT and stopped through an adult shop in Hartford to make the purchase. I did not realize cockrings should be worn for only at a half hour a stretch and wore it for several hours after putting it on at a Vermont rest station. Immediately my cock leapt to attention and I never lost that bone.

I loved stroking in the rest station, but wanted to hold off and enjoy myself. I drove another two hours to another rest station along my way to Burlington and there it felt like a big huge whack off party was already going on as I noticed guys at the stand up johns standing very close to one another... It all looked like a bate party to me. Horny as I was witnessing all these men in the restroom, I didn't want to squirt at that moment, so I continued on to Burlington, checked into my room and got some porn going on my laptop. I blew a nice hot wad after an hour of stroking. Getting the cockring off was a scary fucking deal... it was really cutting off the circulation in my cock and after struggling with for a half hour, I found a pair of nail clippers and carefully snipped the thick ring in two. I felt like I nearly died of strangulation that evening. Fortunately, I survived and will be buying a large rubber cockring the next time I want to experiment and then I will only wear it for a half hour at a time. Nearly died that night, but I am sure it would have been with an ear to ear smile.

I've wrapped my hard cock in tape...duct, masking, scotch, painters and electrical as a teenager just to see what it would feel like. The unwrapping isn't that pleasurable.

I've completely colored it with a marker from tip to base.

I used to put projectiles/weapons from toys in my tip as a kid...stupid!

I don't have the balls to do it, but I always thought it would be bad ass to have darth vader tatooed on my cock.

Stuck it into a 55 year old hag when I was 16

Aside from the places I've stroked it and how long (hours til it was sore, but who hasn't done that) not much weird here. Tried the usual household toy substitutes (sran wrap, all that stuff). That's about it.

Tied it up with a shoe lace, painted the head with lipstick, pierced my foreskin, bent it around and came on my man-hole, used a sander as vibrator on it. Will probably remember more later!

Some people, I believe, would think it was crazy to hide it between my legs and indulge in "girls' style" masturbation like this, making myself ejaculate "backward" beneath my butt:



For a while, when I was younger (maybe 12 or 13--the picture shows me at about 26), I even forced my balls around to the front of it, one on each side, meeting in the middle, to make myself look and feel more like I had a girl's c--t. (I gave that up after a while; too hard on the balls.) Later on, I sometimes pushed a shampoo bottle in between my hidden "coquette" and my thigh, pretending it was a guy's penis and he was fucking me standing up in the shower. It worked surprisingly well, giving me superb "girls' style" orgasms.

I got really bad horny once and did that. I actually really got off on it, but after I came it was just a nasty mess.

I was house sittingh for a brother and he had a dog.
Well I put anything sweet I could on my cock and went out and let the dog lick it off. And got so hard doing this that I done it close enough to everyday for week.

Was painting a room in the house years ago, late one night. I was sitting on the floor painting the bottom of a door. I got horny, slipped my cock out of my shorts, took the brush and painted my entire cock, balls and pubes. It's been so long ago I can't remember if I jacked off with the paint as lube.

Another weird thing was after the ex wife and I read a Penthouse Forum story about a woman who got mad at her husband for doing something sexually she asked him not to do. His punishment was her whipping his cock with a belt. It made me horny so we put a towel under my hard cock and she whipped my cock hard with my belt until it turned red.

That was kinda kinky.

I've fucked zuccinis and used shop vacs the vac was and is the best to date looking for more odd things to aid in my busting a nut