I had my first ever gay experience last night.

Bit of backstory...I've always been a little bit curious, found men to be attractive and was always envious of the good looking dudes. I've jacked off to straight porn, lesbian porn and dudes jacking off - never really got much out of two (or more) dudes fucking. I've been on Jackinchat for years and have routinely jacked off on cam with other guys, very rarely showing face.

To help my curiosity along I downloaded Grindr. I've been chatting on it for a few months now but never had the courage to meet up with anyone.

That changed last night.

Fueled by alcohol and drugs and an intense sex drive I got a guy to come over to my apartment last night. We started touching each and were quickly naked. We made out, something I never thought I would do. My fantasies were about getting naked with a guy and jacking off together. But there I was touching this guy's cock and making out, grabbing his body and just passionately in the moment.

Then I felt my mind almost snap out of it. I suddenly felt I shouldn't be doing it and I became quite and didn't want him to touch me. I couldn't look at him. Throughout most of the experience it didn't seem real. I kept stopping to just take it all in.

After a little while I think the alcohol and drugs, which I think gave me the confidence to do this began to wear off. Eventually I stopped it entirely and we put our clothes back on. He was understanding and gracious and we even talked about it for a bit. I then asked him to leave.

After he left I took a shower and changed the sheets. I'm not sure if it was out of shame or fear or what it was but those things felt necessary. The experience wasn't exactly what I imagined...I wasn't ultimately into as much as I thought. Neither of us came and I never got fully hard. And there was not blow jobs or any anal anything.

I feel confused by the experience. I needed to try something like this but I feel like I went from 0 to 100 real quick. I really just need to be with a woman as quickly as possible.

Thanks for reading. Any advice or feedback is welcome and appreciated!

Unfortunately that is probably the only way to find out if you like it. It's not for everybody and should stay a fantasy but for others like me I enjoy it. Put it down to experience and move on No harm done.

Sounds like it's not your thing. I don't like kissing guys, that's a turn off for me. But I'll suck his cock all night long.

Yup, same as me. No kissing, no sucking, no "fucking" but I'll strock a hard cock in a heartbeat....like to feel it cum in my hand....really turned me on when a young fellow I had the pleasure of causing him to cum, licked his cum off my hand. Never seen him again but the thought still makes me hard.He never touched me, I jerked my own....

Yep it just sounds like it isn't for you. It's perfectly fine, and probably the only way you would eventually find out. I've never had any sort of experience like that, but I personally don't feel attracted to a guy so I probably would have the same reaction as you. But there isn't any problem with trying something and deciding that it's not your thing!

to the original poster: ..I can understand your feelings .. my first experience was with a really good friend of mine, and had the opposite ending since, it was just a little mutual JO, and we talked about how it was fun and just a little exploring between two buds .... it may not be for you after all, but you also dove right in the pool (making out,e tc) rather than starting slow (in my opinion) .. I also met a guy once on a biz trip, and like you had a similar reaction since it seemed like some sleazy "jo and go" encounter .. not fun !!! - guilt can have a lot of bad after effects ... I am still looking for the right bud to explore with since I know I WILL enjoy it, but like many here, I am more into the guy to guy physical fun part (not kissing, etc) -

I agree with the other guys in this thread; there was nothing wrong with checking things out to see if you liked jacking or sex with another guy. Nothing wrong with it if you try it again, or if you don't. Might be worse to always want to try something and never work up the nerve.

Feelings of guilt can shut down the experience, and are probably more common that not. After all, even though a lot of guys might get a hard-on looking at
other guys or seeing them jack off, a lot of us have been preached at that acting on it is "wrong". (I just don't believe in making judgments like that.)

If it helps any, I had an attraction to guys since I was about 12. My first experience was with a stranger who sucked me off in the car. It was far from the best sex I've had, and it didn't help that he spit out my load. Something went off in my head as soon as he finished. I was ashamed, repulsed a little, etc and made some stupid phobic remark to him. So, whatever you want to conclude about that, let's just say my second time was MUCH better.

totally agree (see my post above yours) - we have been so programmed that is is "wrong" to have physical fun or pleasure with a bud !! - wish you were closer buddy LOL

I am in this camp

I have to echo this guy, well said. But, if you ever think of trying it again, try staying away from the erotic, romantic kissing and tell the guy you just want to have some raw, man to man SEX. Suck each others cock, rim ass, lick balls, suck nips, taste his cum, but keep it raw and sexual, rather than erotic and romantic. That way you won't feel as though you just made love to a man. Rather, you will feel like you and a buddy just satisfied each others sexual desires. Just an idea if you ever try it again.

Dittos. I love it this way.

yes agreed

Funny how we are willing to suck his cock but kissing, EW. I feel the same way, one of the guys whose cock I sucked and he sucked me to wanted to kiss, couldn't do it. weird

My first was an older boy. I liked hanging around him and doing what he said, I don't remember why, but I had a submissive side. It started with him pulling his little brothers pants down in front of me and my friends. I was like holy cow that must be so humiliating.. But I felt a strange feeling.

I went to the guy and asked him if he could do it to me. He was like "what?", then he asked you have a submissive side don't you? You like being told what to do.

He exposed me to my friends, but only we knew that it was a deal. He grew interested in me and said he owned me and must do as I say, which made me feel strange and happy. It never past touching my private parts, but it was the first time.

LOL - just like us when we were young. We would feel each other up, jack off, suck, pretty much everything - once in awhile there might be a little passing kiss but if someone tried to really kiss or make out -

Well that just seemed wrong. That was something you did with girls - if you did it with a guy well - that was gay!

Somehow in our own rules of right and wrong sucking each other was fine - but kissing was crossing the line!