I had a strange thought the other day.

I remember, back in my twenties, long after I had got really comfortable with masturbation and learned to have long sessions with plenty of fantasising ending with a wondefully powerful orgasm, that sometimes I'd watch my cum spurting onto my chest and belly and wonder if, and when, my sperm would get to fulfill their real purpose. I wouldn't call it guilt, just beinga bit philosophical. I certainly didn't feel guilty and I knew the score, that if I didn't have a partner who happenned to want children at that time and happenned to be in the fertile part of her cycle with me at the time, by the time those things came around the sperm that were ready to ejaculate now would be long dead one way or another and the only decision for me to make was to enjoy the incredible pleasure shooting them out or forgo that pleasure for no real gain.

Then it happenned. I met a girl, we fell in love, had lots of sex, got married and had children. We had been thinking we have enough children now but to add to that she has been advised by her gynecologist that getting pregnant again may very well kill her so that has made the decision that our family is complete a definite.

So then I had another one of those strange philosophical moments, contemplating that means every single sperm I produce from now on will, in a bilogical sense, being going to waste. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't still enjoy cumming, I still very much enjoy it and from now on pleasure really is the only purpose of cumming. On the one hand it seems bit of a weird realisation and yet, on the other hand, strangely freeing at the same time. It means in the morning, if I am feeling horny and she has gone out, I don't have to worry about whether she will be horny come the evening saying she wants the next baby, and therefore whether I should hold off. I am free to masturbate and, if she does happen to be horny come the evening and we end up doing it, which I still really enjoy, though never take for granted, if there is less than there would have been so what?

Have other people had any similar thoughts or do I just pontificate too much?

WTF are you talking about? I want some of what you're smoking!