Ok then here’s a question for the married men out there in Masturbation Land. It’s a question I’ve asked myself many times and fortunately I’ve managed to come up with an answer that suits me. I’d really like to hear other points of view though.

I’m in my early 60’s and have been happily married for almost 40 years. We have 3 children and 5 grandchildren. I started masturbating when I was about 12 years of age (from memory) and have never stopped. Even when my wife and I were newlywed and fucking like rabbits I was masturbating most days. Overall, masturbation has been the most pleasurable and enjoyable sexual activity in my life.

So I’ll begin the question with an explanation. When I was a teenager I had quite a few friends that I masturbated with on a regular basis. Even when I had girlfriends, I maintained a small group of friends that I regularly masturbated with. Never once did I feel guilty about my male or female sexual experiences. Certainly there were young girls and later young women I had strong emotional attachments to (love maybe) but still I found great satisfaction in mutual masturbation with a few of my male friends. It’s strange really because my male partners were so much more open minded and ready to express themselves sexually than almost any of my female sexual partners.

I have had 4 wonderful experiences with other men during my married life, a number with women and quite a few with prostitutes over the years. Yet, I don’t believe for a minute I’ve been unfaithful to my wife. I believe that to be unfaithful to one’s partner, the relationship needs to be based on an emotional plane.

From a philosophical viewpoint, I have a lazais faire attitude to sexuality. I understand that many people see any sex act as the ultimate expression of love between two people and I understand that. But I have an almost hedonistic approach where if it feels good, just do it. None of my sexual encounters were based on an emotional attachment, simply a need for sexual relief if you like.

So there’s the dilemma; if you happen to find another male/female friend that wants to share a sexual experience with you; assuming it’s not based on an emotional attachment, is it wrong? Is it cheating?

Perhaps when I was younger, if my wife had told me about a brief sexual encounter she’d had, I’d have been hurt and angry. Now though, with a lot of experience under my belt, I’m sure I’d understand and not be resentful at all.

What do you think?

ummmm......what was that question again?

my wife has always said that she could cope with me having sex with another woman but could not forgive me if i fell in love with them. so i guess she would be of the same opinion as u that to love another is the biggest betrayal not the act of sex. having said that i would not tell her about the relationships (few) that i have had with other men or that i masturbate online with them. some theories are just too delicate to test.

Hello Gentlemen,
I have been married twice, was always upfront from the beginning about also liking sex with men. Both women said it did not bother them, but it did. And don't imagine that you can keep things like that a secret. Women have a sixth sense about their husband's penis - where it is and what it's doing. If they don't talk about it it's because it would not be to their advantage to do so...when it becomes advantageous - look out. They knew all along!!

If your wife doesn't agree with you then it's cheating in my opinion.

I'd love to have a male sex buddy, but my wife would definitely be hurt by that. Even though she has little interest in sex these days.

And yes, it sucks sometimes, but I knew her feelings about it going into the marriage.

Now, if she suddenly told me she was OK with me having a male sex buddy, I'd be looking for one! But male only, as I know I'd never get emotionally involved. With another woman I couldn't be sure.

Regards,

KungFu40

I have no idea if it is wrong or cheating but I know i am not going to stop something i like to do with other men or women

I draw the distinction closely, but then Bill Clinton and I are from the same turf. If you are masturbating with someone else, you aren't having sex with them regardless of whether they are masturbating with you or just watching. If you are masturbating another person and vice versa and that is the extent of it, then that's really not sex either in my book. If you stick your cock into some orifice in the other person's body or they stick theirs into you, then that is most definitely having sex. Otherwise, you are simply helping one another masturbate so it's still solo sex. At least that's my rationalization. What's yours?

would it bother you if your partner had "non sex' with another person?

Probably not. In fact, I'd love to watch that! If your ethical rationalization is inconsistent, it doesn't really work, so if you would be pissed off if your partner did it, then you shouldn't do it either.

Years ago, there used to be a married couple at work. They were swingers and had sex with other people all the time. Frequently with people from work. It was all good until the wife kissed a guy, the husband was pissed. He screamed "Only sex, no emotions" It lead to their divorce.

To him, fucking and sucking was OK, but kissing was over the limit.

Let's not mince words here...you said you don't feel you have been unfaithful if you haven't become emotionally involved...garbage..I'm a guy in his 60's also and this is just the excuse you want to use to keep yoour conscience clear...ask any psychologist and he will tell you any ACT sexually with someone other than your spouse is being unfaithful...and years ago this would have stood up in court for divorce purposes and will today...

Even now with the internet, wives are claiming their husbands who view porn are emotionallly unfaithful and to them it is just as bad as the physical one...

My definition of cheating says that if you violate existing rules of the game you are cheating. Does not matter if the game is cards, monopoly, dice, or sex. Whatever the players agree to is okay. So, if you and your partner agree it is okay, no it is not cheating. Otherwise, it is cheating. That is my 2 cents worth.

Mr_Bator,
While I do understand your thinking, rationales and approach to the subject YOURSELF, and I tend to agree with your thinking for mySELF, in the end, it doesn't come down to you. It comes down to your wife. If SHE feels that what you've done is cheating, that's the end of it. And of course, "discussions" about it are only likely to go so far. The simple test is, if she knew about what you did, would she feel betrayed?

I've always had an internal debate as to whether having cyber sex with someone is the same as having an affair. Men's thoughts would be mist welcomed as for me I have used jacking off on line as a way of curbing desires to meet face to face.

yea!