Ok. I'm looking for a little advice. First, a little bit about me. I'm a 41yo straight male from Milton Keynes in the UK, and I've been living with my 42yo girlfriend for the past couple of years (been together a year or two before that).

A typical wank session for me is, assuming I can get the house to myself, me stripping naked, putting porn on the tv, and coming online to chat to anyone about dirty fantasies. My main fantasies are about femdom and humiliation, but I love just general boob chat too. I'd tend to keep myself horny and only really cum by accident, although that happens often (I'm weak, lol).

I've confessed my fantasies to her, and she's been accepting, even had a couple of sessions where she dommed me, which was very hot, but really she likes me to be the one in control, and I really struggle as I just can't do it. I manage sex once a week with her but find it hard to motivate myself as I know she'll want me in charge and I never feel up to it, and would prefer to save myself for wanking.

So my question is, has anyone else been in this same position, and if they have, how did they reconcile their sex life and their wank life? I'd prefer to just have one sex life that includes all my wanking and fantasies.

Well I can't really offer advice as such, other than to say that you are not alone. I am in a long term relationship of eight years, and live with my girlfriend. We manage sex about once a month, and like you it is always a certain way, only really doing what she wants. I have tried to explore other things, but it appears to be a no go - even fairly vanilla things such as me going down on her.

I don't really know how to answer your question of how to reconcile your wank life and your sex life, as I struggle with that too. I love masturbation, and have friends online who I indulge it with, who I openly explore my desires with, and that helps.

It sounds like you have it worse than me. At least my gf tries a little and fortunately loves me face first between her legs. She loves being tied down (never really know what I'm doing there) and does masturbate when I'm not home.

My chats have been more adventurous recently and I've really been enjoying them, it's just frustrating that it's making me want to wank more than fuck my gf, but I still love wanking and the stuff I've been doing and I need to keep it going.

How wonderful to have a wife who has her own sex fantasies and wants you to help her live them out. I can see from what you write that you find it hard to dominate her but unless you feel total repugnance at being the dom I suggest you come to a compromise with her that you alternate your fantasies. This is just my opinion but I think she deserves to receive satisfaction the way she likes it if she is willing to give you satisfaction the way you like it. I wish my wife was like yours. My sex life these days is confined to wanking. I'd be delighted if she had any kind of sex fantasy. I'd do my best to help her live it.

I'm definitely lucky with her. I would like to switch with her, take turns dominating each other. She was very good at it. Unfortunately I'm just like a deer in the headlights when it's my turn to domme her. I find it so awkward. I really struggle. It's not fair for me to get what I want if I'm not helping her out, so I've stopped asking for her to domme me. We just have regular sex once a week, but I know she wants more.

I am also in that same boat these days also!! I wish my wife would be more sexually active again!!! But now it's just jacking off and taking care of my sexual needs!!

Jacking is almost my sole method of sex. My wife seldom fucks me. I have a small penis and she will humiliate me and make fun of my little dick which I love. Mostly I jerk to internet porn but every now and then my wife will masturbate with me or she will let me play with her titties as she humiliates me and tells me how much she wants a real man. Makes me cum like crazy. She thinks it's strange that I get off on having a small penis, but she indulges me anyway.

You're a lucky man slostroker. I'd love that.

I think Mick52's suggestion to say to her about alternating between dom and sub roles is really good. I know you've said above that you find the dom role difficult, but would it help trying to see it as "training", as demonstrating to her the kind of domination you want, and to learn from her about different ways of being a sub too, if that makes sense? That way you can see it as contributing, or part of, when you become the sub...

And you're right, you're lucky you have someone who is open to you about masturbation and talks to you about this sort of thing, giving different things a go (I can never go anywhere near having that kind of conversation! I don't know what to do about that...), so things could be worse!

Now that i'm widowed masturbation is my sexual outlet.

Don't have much sex these days as wife is not as interested. Jerking off to internet porn is now my means of getting off.

Our sex life died at the end of the change of life with my wife!! We have not any sexual contact in 12 years now!! So jacking off is my life now!!!

nothing better than Jackin. rubbing my cock and balls like a clit.

We are so similar