Thanks for a well thought out reply.
Relationship? Been married well over 40 years.
Which of course makes my posts above reveal I am thinking outside the box so to speak.
My original post was raising a personal introspective as I had wanted to see how I would handle a sexual encounter with a man and when I reached out to give it a try I felt like the experience was not a success which was amplified by an ED issue that I have not dealt with before.
Having gotten over illness recently and the guy being a jerk probably both contributed to the problem as was kindly pointed out by several posters above.
So I thought I would explore further and intentionally mixed up the stimulus between a guy, a massage and an escort. I have been doing the massage thing for a while with no issues so trying one with a woman and one with a man I thought I might be able to compare. It worked at least as far as to point out that the guy who was a jerk was a big part of the issue.
As far as not describing the porn I watched I felt I was already writing a too long of a post. This is a masturbation discussion forum and that topic is on many other threads.
To your point....that day's porn was quite varied going from Asian Mom/Son, Shemale solos, a little frotting and several mutual masturbation scenarios.
On this forum I would be surprized if anyone said my porn watching is unhealthy.
Over the years I have had many personal relationships without issues though have found the NSA aspect of paid favors keeps things much easier.
And without going into detail I can say many of the paid events were more than competitive with porn.
Being as I have at least found out the physical performance aspect of the first encounter that bothered me so much was overthought and not really a cause for concern.
As my health continues to improve I expect the occassional erection lapse to be a non worry.
I like the suggestions above including yours. Though therapy is not a consideration with things improving. But mostly the theme is be patient, find the right person and don't be so hard on myself (no pun intended) if it isn't always perfect.

I'm relieved that you took my response in the spirit in which I meant it. It can be hard to find the right words to type. If any of it came off as intrusive, I apologize.

Everything that you said makes sense. I don't believe that your porn viewing is necessarily unhealthy. It's like alcohol. It's the reason behind having a drink that matters. But in your case, at face value, no worries there.

I'm sorry to hear about having an illness, but I'm glad that you're getting better. I hope that your recovery is a speedy and complete one. (I injured my wrist really badly in junior high, and learning to stroke lefty was bruuuuuuutal!)

First time with anyone new can be nerve wracking. First time with a guy is going to be more so. Maybe its just not your thing, maybe it is. The guy was a dick. Find someone with better technique, who is less of an asshole, and I think youll be fine.

Been there with the wrist injury. Back hand worked lefty for a while. Now I use either or both so in the end the injury was a "stroke" of luck.

Yeah that seems to be the advice most posters are giving.
But of course that is the problem.
I am still curious to try again. A couple of years ago I found a "right guy" here on JIC. One meeting and it was great. Perfect. Both of us first timers and both patient enough to move in small steps. But he got a divorce and moved to North Carolina. We email but doubt we will ever visit again.
But most resources like Craigs List are gone. Double list is where I found the Arse hole so is out.

I would hope so but finding one (or two....that might be fun) is difficult.
Lots of talk on this forum about JO buds. Rarely any discussion of how to find one.

Do you use any specific technique to get hard with your wife? If so, mimic that with the guy.

New meetups are intimidating. I have experienced not getting hard with somebody new. It can rule out future meets with them sure, but oh well. A different guy may be a whole lot better, and certainly you want one with a lot more tolerance and understanding of, it isn't always a hard-on in 30 seconds, and a cum shot after 2 minutes!

No specific technique with my wife. That I remember. Been many years. IIRC it usually started with fondling and as I always enjoyed giving her oral satisfaction to be sure she had a climax before I did we took our time arriving to my erection. She has had some long term illnesses that have killed any desire from her to have sex.
The technique that works every time at the massage parlors is the table shower. Maybe because much of my masturbating is in the shower so a nice soapy hand job gets results quickly though they are not allowed to finish me off in the shower area. Most do not perform oral though they allow me to. 69 position with a HJ from them generally does the trick and I usually hold back from cumming quickly to enjoy the whole hour.
I don't see that scenario happening with a bud.
One time about three years ago I went to an Asian Massage Parlor that advertised M4M as well as girls.
It was quite a drive but I explored the M4M option. Table shower just like the females give and a HJ happy ending as well. I have not returned since it is several hours away.
I suppose sharing a shower with hand play might be an option but again finding the right guy is near impossible.
But thank you for your thoughtful suggestion.

Difficult to believe but I just got an email from the guy asking me if I wanted to come by today
I have had no luck finding another bud
Should I give him another chance
I was hoping to find someone else but am I being judgemental

I paused briefly and then deleted his mail....

I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe his attitude cooled you off. I'd give it another few times. Even if you go soft, the right guy would understand and try to get you back up again.

The right guy.......all the world is searching for him, women included.
So yesterday after I deleted the jackass's email I went to an Asian massage parlor that I had not been to before.
Very nice young (mid 20s?) very pretty girl gave me a fantastic massage (not always the case) and on the flip an effective (key word here) hand job.
So at least I know the plumbing still works.
Still curious and if the right guy shows up I will not let my recent experience with the wrong guy bother me.
Thanks for the kind words.

He was a miserable bastard for being like that with you.

In my experience, most gay sex starts with both guys wanking in front of each other anyway and moves on when all is comfortable.

Thanks for great comments and advice
Still trying to figure out how to find the right experience
This forum is worldwide so odds of someone here reading this and being close enough to arrange a meeting are slim
So where or how remains the question