I'm kind of new here. I've posted a couple times and have had great responses. Everyone seems to be very understanding and kind here and not too many smartallecs so I'm going to ask my question and not be too worried. I don't know if anyone will have anything to say about it or not, but I am curious as to what others may think and well, this isn't exactly something I can talk about with just anyone.

My husband is very sick. He was born with a birth defect that damaged his kidneys, making him lose one so he's one kidney down to start with, and his bladder. He is now in kidney failure on dialysis and we just found out about three weeks ago that he has bladder cancer and is going to have surgery at a very well known clinic here on the 15th of this month to remove his bladder, create a new one and also remove his prostate as this cancer has a tendancy to come back and that is where it comes back to so they are just taking it out.

Now, what I'm getting at is this. I'm under extreme stress right now and one would think that sex or masturbation or anthing to do with any of this would not be on my mind. BUT, it seems to be on my mind all the time. I'm masturbating more now that I have at any point in my life. I don't work much at all during the summers, my husband is still able to hold a full time job as he gets to sit all day and not move around much, so I find myself "edging" almost all day and then finally letting myself go late in the afternoon.

Am I just a horrible person for feeling this way when my husband is so sick or is this o.k. for letting some of the stress out. I've come to respect some of you on here that comment quite a bit and I'm curious to see what you might have to say.

Hoping that I'm not some weird pervert, but I would like some opinions. Thank you.

And I just want to add that I LOVE this site. It allows me to get out what I've kept inside all my life. Thank you all.

hi, sorry too hear of ur hubby's on going battles, the big C, is never an easy thing too deal with. either having it or trying too support a loved one who has it.the stress produced from it would be intense for u both. i feel for u. most of my past and on going stress was due too deaths in my imediate family over the years, only one left out of 6. i relate too your feeling guilty, but how else can i relieve the stress thats built up within me, i used alcohol too the extreme, that didn't work out well for me, didn't do any hard drugs thankfully, i didn't want too go down that road although family, friends were a great help an very supportive. It was the times i had too deal with things myself is when mastibation an edging most of the time gave me more stress release than alchol or any other drug could, with no nasty side effects. ur not a horrible person or a pervert in my mind, it's one of the best forms of stress relief i've found so far (a full body massage does wonders too)I wish u the best and hope all goes well for u both

Thank you for your response. I have to say that doing drugs has never once crossed my mind. Like you I just don't want to go down that route and I can't drink, puts me right to sleep. So, this is how I'm dealing with it. Just seems like an odd way to deal with stress. When something so bad is happening I want to do something that makes me feel so good. ???

Thank you for answering me again. I appreciate your answer.

You're certainly not a "horrible person" CT but you are worrying yourself for no purpose. You're not hitting the bottle, you're not stuffing God knows what up your nose or into your veins nor are you inviting 'friends' into your bed.

You sound like a very caring, loyal and loving young woman coping as best you can with a gut-wrenching situation.

If finding private relief makes you more relaxed to cope, you have no reason to feel 'guilty'

Very best wishes.

Everybody deals with stress differently. Hell, the same person can deal with different stresses in different ways. And you're certainly not hurting anyone by masturbating. And I agree with the previous poster that there are a lot worse things that you could be doing instead. Frankly, I don't think you've anything to feel guilty for. And, I don't know how all the medical issues have effected your husband's sex drive or ability, but he may be interested in helping you masturbate, which could be good for both of you. Even if he's unable to get off, he may enjoy helping you to do so (and I know I MUCH prefer to have help from a friend in that arena!) Good luck to you and your husband. I hope everything turns out for the best for you both.

Your situation is a dificult one. Your still young and sexualy active. You need an outlet to keep your sanity. You should not feel guilty at all,masturbation is a good outlet. My wife had health problems a couple years back and no sex at all for awhile. I always masturbated but with no other outlet I got heavy into masturbation and even did some camming. It helped me through it and was the safest way to go. Do what ever you need to to keep your self as happy as possible.

I want to thank you all for you generous and caring repsonses. You've helped make me feel less "wrong". I would and could never do anything with anyone else, I'm hopelessly in love with my husband and would never hurt him in that way. And as far as drugs go, I'm too much of a chicken to even think of trying that. And alcohol would do nothing but put me to sleep. LOL So that wouldn't help either.

Hubby is still sexually active when he can be. Most days he feels well enough, but there are some days that he is just too sick and doesn't have the strenghth.

I LOVE having him masturbate me. And he LOVES doing it. But when he's feeling so sick, we normally don't do anything.

Thank you again for all your sincere responses. For some reason I knew I could rely on the people here to be sincere and respectable in their responses.

if i could watch u edging, that would be hot...
or ever shared ur panties w/ anyone???
no, ur not doing anything wrong...
should enjoy whatever u can sexually...
look at all us guys trying to find some sort of satisfaction here... think of how many people r masturbating right now...
mmmmmmm nice thought huh???
get in touch w/ me mmmm [email protected]

Let me add my voice to those who say that you are NOT a bad perverted person. You're quite human. Masturbation is nature's best way of relieving stress. There are plenty of women out there who would not be so faithful as you. You're a wonderful person.

You have nothing to feel guilty over. I suspect that your husband would feel much the same way if he knew your situation. Your devotion to your husband and relieving your stress through masturbation instead of having sex with others is commendable. Probably your husband feels bad/guilty that he is not able to "take care" of your needs and despite everything he might even enjoy (and be somewhat relieved) to have the opportunity to give you a helping hand :-)

I suffered a heart attack immediately followed by a (inoperable at the time due to the recent heart attack) large and painful kidney stone that became lodged in my urethra. Anyway, the point is that as sick as I was and in pain for three months and under doctors orders not to engage in sex, I still wanted it and worried a lot of the time about making sure my partner was satisfied. If you are able to share with your husband how you are dealing with this problem, he might get a load off his mind knowing that you are able to take care of yourself in that way rather than worrying that you will seek "help" from someone else.

Bottom line, you shouldn't feel guilty. I think you are a wonderful woman and your husband is lucky to have you.

ditto on everything that has been said. I've been on both sides of that issue myself. Had a heart attack and was told no sex for three months and worried about my wife all the time. Later she became ill and we haven't been able to have sex in almost 8 years. Masturbation is a natural stress reliever as a lot have said. I know when things aren't going well for me and I get all uptight, a session with my fleshlight or even just my hand lifts a million punds off my shoulders. Don't feel guilty one bit....you know everyone does it and I'm sure your husband understands.