Hi,

because I have a higher sex drive than my wife its pretty common for me to want to have sex when she doesn't. Sometimes she gets herself into the mood, perhaps out of pity for my male condition, by touching herself and then goes on to really enjoy sex with me.

I'm curious and would appreciate any info. on what does it for you and gets you in the mood when you weren't to start with and he was.

Thanks, Jon

hi babe

My favorite:

Tell her, when she is in the mood, reach over and stroke you three times. When not in the mood stroke you 377 times.

I had a similar problem,when i was first married sex was great but after about 10 years and three kids my wife became less and less interested.This led me to masturbate more and more since sex was almost non existant and when it was it was like she was doing me a favor.This all led me by accident to another female for my sex pleasure that was all i wanted and her to,she was married and her hubby was like my wife,i failed to understand since she had an awesome body and we would get together at least once a week just for sex.Now im not suggesting this for you but instead you and your wife might consider some professional counciling get things out in the open and see if that helps.
Good luck

Thanks Sassydog for sharing that and your advice. And glad you found something that helped you - she sounds great btw. We're open enough to talk about it, and she is willing to try new things - so I hope we don't need councelling, but it has crossed my mind! I guess I need to work out how to get her desire switched on again and any ideas here will help.

I am going to criticize here because your advice is hypocritical.

Your wife wasn't as interested in sex as you are so you decided that going behind her back to fuck another woman was okay... yet you tell another guy in the same situation to seek marital counseling? Buddy, I think you should possibly seek counseling as well. I can't imagine (assuming your wife and the other woman's husband DO NOT know about your arrangement) the hurt and lack of trust this is going to cause in those relationships should they find out. And everyone finds out eventually. Retort all you want and call names and whatever but that's how I feel about those situations. It would be different if each spouse was approving of the arrangement (good opportunity for couples play!!!).

Personally, sometimes I'm not in the mood and just don't want sex. Sometimes if my husband starts jerking off in bed it'll get me in the mood. I've evolved into a person that's not too fond of lots of caressing and such in terms of foreplay - just get to the damn point.

Anna, you said when your husband starts jerking off then sometimes you get in the mood. Thats great. Unfortunately, for so many of us, that does nothing for our wives. My wife knows I really like when she watches me jerkoff but the reality is it does nothing for her either way. She don't mind that I do it, but it doesn't get her excited. I've even asked her if she gets excited and her response was "not really". So whats a guy to do when you don't want to cheat on your wife, she has a take it or leave it attitude when it comes to sex and yet the guy is really horny looking for affection from his wife.

Communication is key with these kinds of things. A non-threatening sit down conversation is good. Sharing how each person feels about sex with each other, what you think is working, what isn't working.

Find out why she doesn't want to have sex, or maybe its just that you think she doesn't but she really does. Just need to talk.

You know, when I dont' want to have sex with my husband, there's usually some other underlying issues going on. Stress at work, upset with him for something careless he said or did, upset with something to do with the child, something like that.

Time for a conversation about what ELSE is going on in her life and your life TOGETHER. Chances are it's not about sex at all.

I guess it's not the ideal solution. But my SO occasionally just spreads and provides access to her love tunnel. She usually asks me to try not to block her view while she watches Letterman.

I agree that just talking is sooo nice with someone. That and even just talking and touching... and not necessarilly in a sexual way. Just holding hands or touching up and down arms. And just making really good eye contact and being totally sincere and honest. Just all that makes you get into the person I'd concider special to me and that in itself can get me going... whether I show that it is or not... or whether it ends up leading to something more sexy or not, just depends. But openness, honesty, good eye t eye stuff happening... and just sincere talking opens things up to different possibilities lots of times.

I slip a mickey in wifes drink,,,,,,,,,
,
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joke okay it was a joke

A slow massage works, especially the lower back.

My lady first likes me to set the scene such as being on a beach somewhere, describing me touching her and taking off her clothes, her doing the same for me and so on. It gets her really hot inside her mind and at the same time I am kissing her, stroking her gently but firmly on her breasts, thighs, abdomen, legs, buttocks. I have other techniques I have learned over the years that work well. My perspective is that if a man wants to enjoy sex he needs to take some time and bring his lady slowly up from cold to simmer to the boiling point where she is moaning and thrashing, wanting more. It really works. Wham bam thank you ma'am is for desperate times only if at all.

Now, HERE is a man who has the right idea! From all of us Ladies, thank you.